I recently looked in the mirror and had this realization...
It occurred to me how much kinder I am to myself then I have been in times past. I no longer picked myself apart in the same way that I once did. Yes, I have walked through a long journey of self love and acceptance, but in all honesty, everyone has their "feeling kinda ugly days."
But this day was different.
I looked in the mirror and had a momentary flashback to my past relationship with myself and the mirror... I would wake up, and look at my face to examine myself for new pimples, lift my shirt up to make sure my stomach was flat enough. Though I was gorgeous, and honestly loved myself better than a lot of girls I knew at the time, I was still aware of the little "flaws" or imperfections.
At different points in my life, I have convinced myself that my nose was too big, my but Miss- shaped, my boobs too small, my thighs too large, my hands not feminine enough, and my tummy too chubby. I was my worst critic.
I remember in high school, I actually believed that the guy I would one day marry would not be accepting of my flaws either. I thought that I had to have the perfect body, whatever that's suppose to look like!
There are many different points, and tangents that I could go off on at this point in my story, but I am going to stick to one main one this time.
That is the fact that, Woman...
The men who are attracted to you are attracted to YOU.
Not you 10lbs skinnier,
You without a single pimple,
you with perfect hair and makeup,
you 2 pants sizes down,
the you who doesn't fart or burp or even take craps!
All this is so unbelievably fake and unrealistic.
Our culture has failed us in the inaccurate and false portrayal of covenant, marriage, and relationships on almost all levels.
Relationships are day to day, sickness and hardships, loss and trials, stress and layoffs, debt and family troubles.
Relationships are work and they cannot, and will not, ever succeed if we hold to the beliefs that the core foundation of them starts with our outward appearance!
The anarchy, or paradox is truly hilarious. We want someone to love us unconditionally but we are not even willing to give ourselves that same love we are so starved for.
So, back to my point.
My point is, ladies, that you really don't have to have it all together.
I remember on my honeymoon, when My husband saw all of me in my glory ;). The nakedness and vulnerability that I had anticipated, and dreaded at times, was right in front of me. No more hiding. No covering up any part of me that wasn't perfect. Every dot, wrinkle, and roll was all there to be seen.
I remember actually sitting and pointing out to my husband things that I had felt insecure or nervous about him seeing, his response is the thing I wrote this blog post to share.
He didn't shame me, or tell me "ya but it's not that big of a deal," he didn't say "you're right you really need to fix that, or tighten that up."
No, his response was, "I love that about you, you're beautiful. I think that's cute."
It blew me away. There I was, the moment of truth, facing my fears. All the thoughts in the background, thoughts of perfection that I had entertained for far too long, all dissipated as what he had said rung in my ears.
I write this to you, woman, future brides, wives, insecure teenagers, critical twenty year olds. I write this to you, perfectionist girl who never feels adequate, or like she will ever be enough.
The beauty of life, love, and marriage is that two people come together and choose to love and accept one another unconditionally. There are no qualifications of perfection on your relationship.
Stop telling yourself you need to change, or fix something, or have it all together. Your weakness, your imperfections, and your nakedness is what he loves most (or at least the right man will). So give yourself a break, take a moment and decide to let yourself be free. Today, you can change your relationship with yourself, and the mirror.
And one day, like me, you can look back and realize, that you think differently than you once did. You have stopped picking yourself apart, and you actually love what you see, who you see, and the person in the mirror staring back at you.