Relationships

2 Keys to Overcoming Unhealthy Emotional Eating

Addictions occur when you seek to fill an emptiness inside you with something outside you.
— Karen Salmansohn

Let me start out by saying this, I’ve never struggled with being overweight but I have wrestled with the same demons that cause these kinds of issues.  Its more important to recognize the root because symptoms can vary.   


Unhealthy emotional eating has its roots in self hatred, lack of self awareness, and shame.  The symptoms may be weight gain but not always.   


So heres a bit of my journey with this problem...

 

I was the guy that “NEEDED” some sort of candy or ice cream around the house just in case I had a rough day.   I could easily smash a whole pint of cookie dough ice cream in the parking lot of the grocery store when I felt down.  I was your typical "emotional eater"       

 

Now I would love to say I never do this anymore but that would be a lie.  I would love to have the perfect transformation story where I now have all the answers but I don't...  Truth is from time to time I still revert back to my old ways. 

 

But...

 

Those days are far and few between.  I am a lot more free than I used to be and thats progress!

 

 

So here are a few key things that have helped me overcome this cycle of stuffing emotions.  

 

 

 

1.  Self Awareness and acceptance. 

 

Simply realizing what I was doing was enough to prevent a full blown binge fest.   When I got into a disagreement with my wife and my feelings were hurt, instead of instantly going to food I would talk to myself… “Adam, your feelings are hurt and thats ok.”  When I began accepting the “negative” emotions the craziest thing happened.  

 

They began to subside. 

 

We get into trouble when do not identify WHY we are feeling a certain way.   I used to be so afraid of negative emotions like shame, hurt, disappointment… that I just ignored them and pretended they weren’t there. 

Nevertheless, they were their in the darkness killing my soul.   

 

But when we identify WHY we are feeling the way we are feeling than the healing process can begin.  I was so disconnected from my heart that I couldn't put my finger on certain emotions which left me feeling powerless.  

 

I began to learn how listen to my heart and realize, "oh thats disappointment... or thats shame I'm feeling... or I feel rejected.

 

Something powerful happens when we validate ourselves. Shame likes to tell us we SHOULDN’T feel these negative emotions and that keeps us in bondage.

 

But I found that identifying these emotions and then accepting myself in the midst of it all, eases the pain and thus leads me away from the cookie dough nightmare.  

 

2.  Vulnerability

 

Ehhh, I hate this.  Its so uncomfortable yet so necessary.  

 

The times where I am shut down and choosing not to open up are my darkest times. 

 

But when I begin to honor my heart by validating the emotions I am feeling I muster up the courage to be vulnerable. 

 

To me vulnerability is being honest with whats going on inside.

 

I usually start by being vulnerable with myself and with God.  

 

If something someone said to me bothered me and I am ruminating over it I realize that yes, in fact, I am not as impenetrable as I thought.  Once again, I must acknowledge my weakness and it humbles me.  It brings me back to that place of dependence on Gods healing touch.   

 

Yea it may feel like the last thing you wanna do when your hurting buts this is where character is built.   Doing the right thing when we don’t feel like it.  Opening up when all you wanna do is run away!   

 

Trust me, its worth it.  My marriage prospers when I chose vulnerability… My soul prospers when I choose vulnerability… Everything is better after going through the pain of vulnerability.  

 

 

So be courageous and face your fears of rejection.  You will realize that you are still loved even in the midst of your weakness, your faults, your mistakes.  And that my friends, is one of the best feelings in the world.

 

 

I hope this helps you on your journey of freedom.  I know that these two things have helped me process my emotions in a healthy way vs stuffing them.   Because when we stuff emotions the pain is still there and we don't like pain.  We will turn to whatever we know eases the pain.  So chose vulnerability and you will discover a deep freedom in your life with food!

 

 

Adam

Overcoming The Fear Of Rejection

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Good day!

I expect that 2015 is going great for you. If not, today is the day for you to get your breakthrough!

The Lord has been speaking to me about living the abundant life He promised in John 10:10. He said that his purpose for coming was that we may live life to the fullest.

I want to help you receive that abundant life today, by encouraging you to overcome fear.

Fear is from our enemy. He wants nothing else but to steal, kill and destroy (John 10:10). It is important that we are not ignorant of his tactics against us. We don't focus on him, but we also don't pretend that he doesn't exist.

One of the tools he likes to use against us is the fear of rejection.

So I want to share a bit of my journey to help you overcome that fear.

Why? Because on the other side of that fear is the greatest adventure you could ever imagine. On the other side of that fear is your prosperity, your promised land...

I want to share three keys from my life that will help you walk in the acceptance of our Heavenly Father:

1. Rejection is a lie 2. Acceptance is the truth 3. Embrace courage

1. Rejection is a lie

In all honesty, when we partner with the fear of rejection we are living afraid of something that no longer has a foundation in reality. Are you born again? Are you a believer in Christ? Have you been grafted into The Father through His Son Jesus?

If so, you are what Paul in the new testament refers to—over and over again—as being, "in Christ." The Father now sees you the same exact way that He sees Jesus. Completely loved and accepted.

But why do we still experience the pain, or fear of rejection if it no longer has any power over us?

That my friend is the power of a lie. When we make agreements, unconscious or conscious, with a lie, we empower it.

The bible says that its the TRUTH that sets us free (John 8:32). The opposite is also true, it is a lie that keeps us in bondage. Here is the sneaky part, a lie isn't obvious, most of the time it's easy to believe because the lies are based in a lesser reality. It is a reality, just not the one we live in. Lies do have power, but only if we believe them.

For example, I grew up with my dad that had 2 divorces during my childhood. I took that on as rejection. I took that upon myself and believed that I wasn't lovable or worthy and somehow did something to make them leave.

I began believing the lie that I was unworthy of love and acceptance.

How?

Well everything in my past said so… My mom left and it was my fault. I was rejected and ultimate pain came to me. Because of that pain I decided to armor up. I told myself I would never get hurt again. I then came under a cloud of fear. Fear that if I opened myself up I would endure that same pain and rejection I once felt as a child.

My heart was enslaved, unable to express the glory of God within me. That's what happens when we let fear dictate our lives. We never embark on the journey of expression because it's just too scary and painful. I tell you, today there is a music within you that the world needs to see!

So because of that fear, I became a people pleaser. Using my personality and charm to ensure that everyone liked me. It's a sad thing, but if we were gut-level honest with ourselves we would find that this happens more often than not.

I was bound to the fear of man. Afraid of the pain that would come from someone that withholds their love from me. I believed what my past experiences were telling me instead of what The Father was saying.

Fortunately, thats not the end of my story.

On this journey, God has softened my heart. he has tenderized the hard places and healed the wounds. I have chosen to walk a path of vulnerability that enables me to see the truth, that I am unconditionally loved and accepted! The more I chose to crack open my heart, letting Him see all of me, the more He is able to remove the lies that I believe. He said that we would intimately know the truth and that the truth would set us free! (John 8:32)

Rejection is a lie, acceptance is the truth.

2. Acceptance is the truth.

Ephesians 1:6 tells us this, "to the praise of the glory of His grace, by which He made us accepted in the Beloved."

What a glorious reality we have been given. We have been accepted!

I remember a point in my life that I struggled with this reality. Growing up I learned that if I let people in, they will see all the ugly and end up rejecting me. That caused me to put on my best face all the time. One day, in worship, God basically told me that He wanted to see the real me.

I had an experience with the love of God driving in my car one night. I was so full of doubt, anger, and confusion but I pretended as if everything was ok. I felt The Lord drawing me to be super honest. So I was. I started confessing all my fears, doubts, and unbelief towards God. At first I was scared, as if He was going to be ashamed of me or something.

The exact opposite was true. A tidal wave of His love came crashing in on me, it was like a warm blanket of comfort wrapped around me. I heard Him say, "Why did you wait so long? See, I am not angry with you, I love and accept you!" I began crying uncontrollably, it was one of the most impacting encounters of my life. It was through me being honest and vulnerable that I was able to overcome that fear of rejection. I was afraid that if I showed God my true self He would reject me to. But through me opening up, He was able to extend His mighty arm of grace.

After that experience I felt the most real I have ever felt. I felt free. Free from the need to people-please and behave a certain way to be loved. I knew deep within me that I was accepted, just as the word tells us in Ephesians 1:6.

3. Embrace Courage

Along this journey of freedom we will have times where we aren't so perfect. Times where we come under the fear of rejection again. The temptation would be to think we just aren't free. We could believe the lie that we will never be free and that this is just the way its going to be. Believing this will lead down the road of discouragement and despair.

OR

We can encourage ourselves and focus on how far we have come. We can see where we are instead of where we aren't. We can celebrate our victories, be courageous and get right back in the game.

See, I don't expect to never feel the fear of rejection again. Instead, I know that it will be there, I just refuse to give it any power by backing down to its influence. It begins to have less and less of a hold on my life as I embrace courage. As I chose over and over again to be vulnerable and open myself up to love no matter how scary it is.

Anyone who wants to walk in the fullness of what they were created for will need courage. For those who just want to take life easy and are satisfied with mediocrity won't really need this. But I know that if you are reading this you want all that God has for you. You are the type that wants everything God has promised.

In my life I have decided to embrace courage as one of my deepest core values. So it doesn't matter what fears come to me, I am going after it!

For example, I met my fiancé a few years back in 2012. In the beginning of our relationship I really liked her but she shot me down. Talk about rejection :) Nevertheless I stayed more of a distant friend to her. Long story short, a year later she had a change of heart and decided she liked me. As you can expect I had mixed emotions. Excited and afraid all at the same time. Afraid of the sting of rejection again yet excited at what could happen between us.

I chose to risk it. I put my heart out there once again and decided to pursue her and see what happens. Well, here we are, getting married May 17th.

Embrace courage my friends. It pays off!

My friend Ahab says, "on the other side of fear is a testimony". This is what I leave you with today. Realize that your deepest desires are on the other side of fear. Let that fear guide you into your destiny. Instead of believing the lies of rejection, chose to believe the truth. Meditate on your acceptance in Christ. Ask Him to show you how loved and accepted you are every single day. Finally, embrace courage. Don't let the lost battles cause you to lose the war. It's never too late, you can always get back in the game. Every day is brand new!

Adam Luckey

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